This is one of the truest things in the world! We have all been there at some point in our lives. I have done this with family, friends, romantic shipwrecks and even work. I was thinking today about expectations, where they come from?
a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.”reality had not lived up to expectations.
a belief that someone will or should achieve something.
Definition of expectations from someone who is codependent: I have done this, this, this and that for you. I deserve you to do A, B and C for me. AKA people pleasing.
Notice the difference, but the codependent person really needs to be needed, really wants to be valued and loved so they bend over backwards to help others. When I first discovered this lovely trait in myself, I started going to meetings, yes, there are meetings for codependent people! Dove head first into the 12 step book by Melody Beattie. I wanted to fix this and fix it super fast! What I did not realize is, there is no fixing this. There is better than yesterday, there is no healed. It’s not like a spot of cancer that can be removed. It is always there, waiting on that moment of vulnerability and boom back to step one.
So another word used above is attached. Here is the definition:
- joined, fastened, or connected to something.”please complete the attached form”
- 2. full of affection or fondness.”during his visit, Mark became increasingly attached to Tara”
Here is the codependent definition: my heart is going to stop working and I will die without… insert attachment here.
So it is clear that anyone that is codependent should not attach and expect. Yoga has helped me tremendously with both of these things but sometimes I fall off the wagon and get a little crazy.
Looking at the definition of Detachment – is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective. More on this topic can be found here.
So I guess the real question is why are we not more detached? Why can there not be a safe place for all of us to land, among friends, family and all relationships. Why is there expectations of forever more? The closest thing I can come up with is that there is a need in all people to be loved and witnessed by someone, the mere thought that true love does exist, true acceptance, true accountability. Are expectations and attachments really so bad if love is available from both parties? Maybe it is to much to ask, but it is certain love must be involved.