365:D143
Making decisions: difficult, overwhelming, scary, avoid like the plaque. This is how I feel every time I am faced with a decision. Even restaurant menus can be daunting at times. It took me like seven months to buy a car, house shopping is not any easier…but this week, I have made two big decisions! Big decisions I say!!!
First, I decided that I am going to commit to my home church. For over a year now I believe, the church has made several changes. A few I did not agree with at all. I have visited two other churches. One which I love but it is really to far to drive and the other I went with a friend, not something I was interested in ten years ago and still not interested today. Sunday was the deciding day. The preacher was unbelievable. He touched my heart with the words he said. A story that I’ve heard numerous times, the prodigal son has a totally new meaning for me now. If you would like to check out this series you can find it here.
Second, the boy… sometime on Tuesday I just had this nagging feeling to stop being available. It was hard and loud in my gut like Tawanda had possessed my being and said “YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS”. So I drafted the email, drove downtown, sat in my car, reread it and pressed send. His response was almost immediate, unlike the last email I sent to him where he played pretended like he did not receive for several days… simply two sentences but my work had been done. It is not my job to fix anyone except myself or to be ignored by someone and treated less than.
The thing about making decisions, even if they are the wrong ones, it gives a person a spirit of empowerment. I feel more confident about my life after doing these things. There is a girl on Twitter that is always asking a question, always random, but at the bottom of her question she says something like. No fence sitting! I love this, I have answered a couple of her questions without sitting on the fence…. I wonder if she has influenced me more than I know or if I am truly ready to get back into this game of life… one day at a time, small steps!
Much 💜
