What is this?: 365:D57:S1

Bringing new people into our lives is sometimes very difficult. There is this time of getting to know one another that can be very stressful. For instance, you want to make a good impression so you put on this facade. This happens all the time… it’s very true.

But.. when you are not in search of a partner and you could give no cares about what anyone thinks, this is the time that things happen.

So possibly in the worst, or second worst, maybe the third worst time in my life… okay so the most uncomfortable time in my life… he shows up. Not being overly attractive but definitely not under attractive, a handsome guy, that seems real and just looking for a friend, a companion to have breakfast with. I talked to him the day before and I did not even realize anything nor did I realize anything on breakfast day. Or our next week lunch outing.

He has hazel eyes, with just enough green to spark my attention. His smile is sweet, like no other I have ever seen. He is patient and kind to all people and things. He has stalked my Facebook page and he thinks my mother is lovely and reminds him of ladies in his family. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not. He loves his children. He longs to be with them and not pass them off on me. He is smart, especially with measuring but he did have to look up an conversion but I’m not judging him, I look up all conversions. He has the ability to sneak up in my life without me realizing that he is pursuing me. He has heard about my crazy life, no facade, just truth, all truth and he still wants to be around me.

Then there is the moment you realize this individual may have qualities that make sense. This is big and when things become stressfull. I think it is the opportunity that it may be something, the possibility. For so long I have not looked or desired for an individual to come into my life. This is not been a priority, by no means. And then one day a gentleman showed up I have never been so comfortable around someone so fast. We were instant friends and there was no worries. On our first Friday night outing ( day 3) it occurred to me that this guy has potential. Being an ultimate gentleman, who offered his hand to me when I am stepping down, opens my doors, very polite, but not only that the very first day I met him he asked me where I went to church. Yes, I was shocked. This has been a question I have longed to hear someone ask me. I am always the one asking this question because this is always been important to me to find someone who is already established in God and does not need direction in that area. It seems to be a rare thing even in the south, and granted, my answer was not so pleasant. I’m not going to church at this moment or for the last year and I think the Buddha is giving Christians a run for their money. I would have ran, if I were him, but he did not.

Back to the Friday night, the 13th of all days, the moon was absolutely beautiful. It is in its big and fat stage, full. We picked up scooters and road around the park. Overton was absolutely amazing. We decided to walk for a bit, strolling through the park, grass tickling my feet. He offered me his hand once again so we could cross over a fence. In that moment I knew that I wanted to keep holding his hand but I did not and he being the man he is, called me out on it. I being the girl I am, blushed and said nothing but he knew, that it was to soon. At the end of our date he did not try to kiss me after sitting for an hour on the swing talking about nothing he walked me to my car, opened the door and bid me good night, with the sweetest look in his hazel green eyes.

The next day we spent the afternoon together mostly sitting on the swing on the front porch watching the world go by talking about nothing. We did get out and walk, not really amused by anything. I begin to get tired not of his presence but my physical body was tired. I longed for quiet, I longed for peace. The streets were so busy that day and the energy was high and low and it was all around which was a lot for me to take. I left his presence that day feeling very sad because on this day I discovered and I am tired. I not only in my physical body I am tired of being alone. I am tired of having to repeat myself over and over. I’m tired of being in a place I do not want to be in. I long for cleanliness, fresh air and free time. I honestly long a for home to call my own. This is what this man made me remember.

They say home is where the heart is, my heart I do not know where it is. It is broken in so many pieces and for so long. I do not know how to put it back together. I do not know how to move forward. I long to be settled along. To live in peace and quiet. I long to have somebody that will hold my hand when I cry. I long to cry and be able to do so without feeling bad or good but just to be what I am. I will pray that this is the one. I pray that he is the prince that is supposed to rescue me from a horrible life. I have never prayed to be rescued but I need a captain to this ship that is sinking so fast. I long for understanding. Is that possible? Possibilities are endless, if you only believe. I know.

Late 2019 somewhere between September and October.