A Path Chosen

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There has been much fear in my mind for the last few days. Fear of change, acceptance, failure. I have worked hard on this one little project for two months and all the sudden, this incontrollable fear pops up. Uncertain of where this was coming from I decided to take a day for myself and find out. This is the same fear that I have been dealing with in recent work situations, getting back into the saddle, riding once again… This is more than getting back on a horse because that seems so simple to me at this time. This is about getting back into life. This is about doing things that scare me and I am not even sure why. Today, I got a clearer view on why I stay in fear around work: Will it absorb every piece of me? Will I make it and live alone? Will I just become a hermit that never has visitors and friends? Will I lose the best friends I have because they need to be needed? These are the questions that flood my mind today, the questions that gave me strength because I have not done the work that I need to do to be successful in this next venture. I have to think that I love my current living situation even though at times it can be quite trying but for the most part, my roomie makes me grow more than I could and faster than I could ever on my own. He’s a slob in his own boyish way as I am in my weirdo way. I fear losing our friendship even though I know he wants the best for me and will sit through crazy Disney movies with Will Smith with me…

Although today, I sat in fear as I did yesterday, I took steps today that I should have taken a couple of weeks ago. I should have been flying three weeks ago but there has been this excuse or that excuse because we are coming to that end of fail or fly. The truth is I am so ready to fly but this is number four… for this year of jobs that I have tried and failed, walked away from, lost interest in. I need a win, I need to know that this was a good decision and I am still like 98.7% sure that it could be but I will not know… until I take that leap…

Things do not just happen

As we wish and dream

There must be action

To the halos and sunbeams

Make the most of the

Presence that appears

The rays of beauty

The thoughts that stay near

Your reality is defined

By these thoughts, stay clear

No need for darkness

And fear….