365:354:163:22:1

Who we are meant to be derives from deep down within us. Life will push that down so far that we forget that it is there, forget our pure truth, forget the light that shines. Life being not always fair and beautiful but harsh and hard. Uncertainty will creep in and allow doubt to follow along with bitterness and pain, all friends, all for one purpose, to destroy our purpose. Coming out of the dark, entering back in time and time again, there was one last time of sneaking down to that ugly place, the place that stripped me of all light, not even the dimness of a spark left but in that darkness there was truth. Truth that we have to guard our hearts, our purpose our true being of self especially when we know we are not strong enough for battle. Being a warrior, one has to realize when they cannot or are not strong enough to continue and rest. In rest, the strength will return, the courage will return and every bit of the deep down purpose that was pushed down and forgotten, it will return. This takes time and should never be rushed. The fight with oneself can be just as harsh as what life throws at us. The need to have what we want when we want it, no matter what deformities it comes with. A love, a commitment, a partnership with the devil does not and will not ever grant happiness, not that I have danced with any devils but I have become the devil, in my own right. We all can do this, in the darkness, deep down, he is there waiting for the weakened soul to arrive just searching for something anything that will promise a better way, a quick fix, new possibilities. Something that will cure the deepest loneliness that has ever been felt, a temporary fix to a permanent problem… The problems must be handled correctly or they will return again and again. They do return and instantly look like a walk on the beach or a beautiful old town, deceiving happiness. I watch others in this spot, I crawled down in the hole with them to comfort them, received comfort and when my basket went all over the place. I returned finding the same comfort, the ability to push down this pain and hurt that has filled my heart and body to the point I cannot function. Today, I am awake, the light shines down from my window, covering me with peace and happiness, it shines bright because it needed me to see clearly my path so I begin that path today, honest and open, no holding back, not hiding my truth, being the girl God designed me to be in this life. I will accept nothing less, I will find her and when she is rested, you will see the warrior rise up stronger than ever before. She is the woman I long for, she is my grandmother’s determination to survive, she is my mothers patience, she is Ruth’s voice of honest and painful truth, she is Jami’s bold and compassionate love, she is Cindy’s gift that is always a surprise and always thoughtful. She is all women that stand in their truth. She will be amazing, she is forming in this moment and will continue to grow in all these things. When she becomes whole and complete…. You will know and you will smile.

Much Love 💜 Much Life