365:233:40

Forty days of being off work, what a glorious time this has been to rediscover, to discover and relax. Recently, this week i have heard so many people talk about being very tired. I too have become tired this week and I believe it started at the end of last week. Last Friday. In my situation, I had to deal with highly emotional things and with emotional exhaustion comes physical exhaustion. Then, the announcement of things opening up again in my area around May 5. The uncertainty of what that will be like, if classes will start back up when the clubs open up, will my body be ready to go back to work and do all I was doing back forty some odd days ago. Everyone has their fears, we all should, this is normal because it will not be the same. There will be changes just as we have experienced throughout 2020.

There have been so many things I want to change since having the time to actually think about what I would like my life to be like. This morning I prayed for answers. I have worked so hard on getting my schedule in a place where it makes sense for me. It still could use some changes in getting my classes closer together.

I have discovered how much I need my own space. Even being here visiting my friend and having my own room, has not been enough. So prayers have been deep on my mind and heart to find yet again the right path that will make this happen.

Thoughts of changing locations have been very deep on my heart and mind. I have such great friendships and a wonderful life over in west TN but there are things about the city I do not like. The crime rate is so high, there is always such commotion. When I think about retiring I wonder if that is the right place for me? When I think about living my best life, I am unsure if it is the right place for me. When I think about the courage it took for me just to take this trip, five hours away, to stay still here, to miss my roommate, my cats, my friends. I am pretty courageous.

I suppose the big lesson here that we should all see is that no matter how much time we spend planning, we cannot become to attached to these plans. As we all had some kind of plans for 2020…. They have not worked out unless you had planned for a few month sabbatical. Even if that was on the plan, it probably did not turn out like you expected. This morning in my devotional, it talked about counting it all joy. No matter what is in store, count it as joy. The testing of our faith produces steadfastness. The stronger our faith the easier it is to see that through this we are lacking in nothing. Furthermore, it said that our suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Hope does not put us to shame because Gods love has been poured into our hearts.

Early this year, I was so proud of myself for buying the ugliest planner and for the first time using it. I read a post on Facebook the other day with someone saying “buying a 2020 planner was the worst investment I’ve ever made.” This is very true for this year but sometimes I wonder if God just wants us to start relying on him instead of our plan. We have all learned how to adapt to new situations rather quickly and we should probably keep this close to heart in the year to come. He already knows the days to come.

Much Love 💜 Much Life