365:243:52
Sleep does not come, laying with the wind blowing outside my window, it sounds so strong, so mean, the rain is falling down hard, I hear it on the window pane. The peace it would normally have but none that I see at this time. Feeling so alone, so distracted by all things, by nothing, trying not to fall once again. Trying to find my way to life, to love to something more than the clouds that parade past my window, dark and sad. It is May, and tomorrow it will be less than sixty degrees here. I hate it because I stayed inside all day today, it was not that bad out, there were moments of warmth, moments of sun. It is dark in this room, I want to go outside, I want the rain to fall on my face, cover my hair and skin. I want to be on the beach with the waves crashing into my feet. I want to sail and hear you play and sing, I want to paint with my fingers, color flows from the tips, I want to sing lullabies about the summertime and have red wind on the dock as the fishermen go by.
I want to fall asleep to you playing piano and humming beneath your breath. Simple and true with a cat and eggs with spinach fresh from the garden. Again I have lost again I walk away, fear is not something I have, it is what I am, I portray, I become, even when I am strong, why am I so weak. To see this plan before me, to see the towers peak. Lost again, so far away, lost again, to slow things down. No one understands why I wear this frown. It does not matter, because it is time for me to feel this pain, this sadness, this rain. I have held it in for way to long and now it has become my song. To see this weather show up now, matching the crazy, I feel somehow, to be alone, oh no not me, the wind would not let me be, so I sit inside this darkened room, listening to the raindrops loom, calming down just a tiny bit, leaving me in my darkened pit. The wind has stopped and now I know, there is only one place to go. Peace will find me here in slumber, as the moon rises, I often wonder, will you sit and watch with me, my life without you, just stay with me.
Much Love 💜 Much Life
