Poems

Delusions of Fabric

303

A pattern so lovely, hard to disguise

Conspicuously striking as one implies

The feel is so soft embraceable to touch

Strong desire of wanting or asking too much

A heart full of joy and at the same time

Left so broken and crammed with demise

Speaking of truth, is sometimes unwise.

A pattern unappealing, real sinister ties

Obviously belting as one may denote

Tapestry of souls ripped & shredded as rote

Much Love Much Life

I have had several ah ha moments over the last few day… Mostly dealing with people… Today, while in the local KFC picking up an order, I asked the young man behind the counter could I have a cup holder and I was honest with why I needed one, it was my second pick up and I had two drinks. The manager lady, who I was not going to pass judgement on when I asked her how she was doing, smiled and threw her drawer on the counter and said, “just peachy”. Obviously, things had changed in this KFC… The young man handed me the cupholder and I thanked him and as I was walking out, I heard the manager lady all but yell at him. I wanted to turn around and give her a piece of my mind, but I did not… I did not for several reasons. I do not like conflict. I do not like confronting people with how I really feel, I do not like telling people to mind their own business. I just do not like it.

So I am under the impression that if you have a close friend, you should be able to speak your truth with them. At least that is what my close friends say until it comes time to tell it…. after it’s all said and done, everyone is offended and there’s days of non-communication and I am currently looking for an island with no people that reside there… I’ll figure out the whole fishing thing, I’m sure or whatever. Why does it have to be so hard? I know I am not the worst communicator in the world, I have had successful friendships that do not require this much work. Although currently I must admit that I really only have two that I feel 100% free to speak my mind to about anything no matter what.

Also, the other thing that rude lady at KFC brought up was the realty that I get a constant criticism from one friend and when I hear the criticism, I look at it and see if it’s like a huge thing that I need to look at instantly or something that was just an oops moment. Most of which are oops moments but I have to wonder… does someone offer so much criticism because they desire to know where they can improve? Do they need guidance in their own life so they are criticizing others to get feedback?

I am not trying to hurt anyone here, I just want to feel valued and respected. There are times that I do not. There are a lot of times that I do not. I realize that if I cannot stand up for myself, no one else will and even if it takes a few days to do so, that is the case. I just want to feel safe with my communications. Do we all not desire that?

Author: Joy

I am Joy I am content I am patient I am love I am free, fabulous and fit. I am all these things and so much more. I am struggle I am hopelessness I am sad I am endurance I am a warrior I am a princess I am my Father's daughter I am a survivor of loss of hurt of pain. I am encouragement I am influence I am Joy.

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