365:274:83
There are days when you spend the best part of the morning just trying to build up enough of that good energy to make it through the day. Find that good energy and it just really was not enough, the first thing that happens, knocks you right back down… what is it that causes this??? When this happens to me I really have to evaluate what is going on.
We all have a mission in our life, a purpose and once we find that purpose or mission, we have to act on it. We have to move forward to the end result. My mission and purpose has been this one thing and as I look back on my life God has been giving me all these obstacles all these examples of why my purpose has to happen. Yesterday, when I was dragged down the rabbit hole for the millionth time, I realized that this is just another step, another lesson to be learned. Digging deeper, I have found that in my younger days, there was one thing I desired and that was to be loved. I did not feel loved from my parents or family. Things were never good enough and I could always do better. After tons and tons of bad relationships that left me feeling empty and alone, eventually I decided I deserved better. There is a huge obstacle called self worth, it is the hardest obstacle one can ever try to get pass. Especially, if you never knew that it existed. When it does come into play and you realize that life is so much better alone than having to deal with someone’s dramatized bull it is a magical thing.
The dramatized bull… it is awful, it comes in many shapes and sizes. We all have this bull, we all do, but some of us are better at hiding it than others. My bull is not feeling loved. The thing that has changed is the non-loved Joy is that Joy has begun to love herself. Loving yourself is key, no matter what the heck you have done in the past, no matter how many wrongs you have. There is a time and a place to forgive yourself and move on. There are few people in this world that will accept you 100%. I have found, successfully three people that I can bare my soul to and they will be like, ok kid, let’s figure out what’s next. If you ever find people like this, keep them, honor them, let them know you care as much as possible. They are the most valuable people in the world. They will build you up! Be that person, if you can, avoid judgement, seek wisdom and be guidance to people that need this.
This summer I am going to visit three influential people in my life. I’m going to spend quality time with each of them and I am so excited to be able to do this. I am going to fall deeper in love with myself and with others and I’m going to grow bigger and better than I have ever dreamt possible. I feel like the Lord is working in my favor. I have fears, I am human, but this trip, this summer, is going to change me and my life forever. I am not going to hold back, I am going all in on this. I have enough love for myself to step to the edge and take that step. Big lives take big change. Here is to lasting change!
Much Love 💜 Much Life
