365:225:32

Vairagya is the elimination of whatever hinders process and refinement. B.K.S. Iyengar

Refinement is a process of purification, removing things that contaminate.

Thoreau said that “a man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can let alone.” It is hard to grasp that when the world is all about having more of everything. The fact is the less we have the more we have. The burdens, the things to care for, the responsibilities we seek in order to have more to have less. All we really need is right in front of us, right inside of us. Our identities of who we are stems from the paycheck we bring home when that is not true at all.

We are how we treat people, how we react to situations, how grateful we are for what we have and living in this moment and not putting to much emphasis on what tomorrow will bring.

I, like so many others, lost my job thirty-two days ago. I am hopeful that it will still be there when all this is over but if not there will be something else. I believe for the first time in my life I am almost 98.3% faithful that because He feeds the birds, He will feed me. This has been what I have experienced, this waiting, this being still for over three years now and I am ready to get my life back and become the woman he has made me to become. I’ve had to wait because He put limits on my body, on my mind and I have been recently running again. My thoughts are clearer than they have been in a long time. The difference is He has taught me to wait, to be patient, there is beauty in the waiting, so much beauty that if you actually pay attention while you wait, you will see the beauty. You will also see the truth, the big bad ugly truth. In this truth and beauty there is the purification.

I have noticed this happening so much in my life recently, it is almost like the need to keep going, to keep living, to survive, has pushed me to a different level of focus. I have dove into the waters of yoga and the deeper I get the clearer I see. It has been a beautiful time for me. This is my third time around studying Vairagya but I believe I’m getting the hang of this. I am able to see the things and behaviors that cause me problems, the things that hold me back and it is easier to let them go when you can see what life is like without them. When you have a space in your life to fill with whatever you choose. This time has been just like that. The question still rings true, what is it you do when no one is watching? How do you spend your days when there is no one to impress but you have to spend your days doing something. This time is coming to an end soon. I can feel it and I do not like it. I miss my life in Memphis, my friends, my classes but there has been something magical about these days in quarantine. I hate that I have to go and do unhappy things during this time, but it is one of those Monday task that must be done. Dang Monday tasks. The reason I point out the unhappy Monday task of next week is that it is not something I will enjoy but I am hoping by the time it gets here I will have a whole new outlook on the matter. I will be able to face my fear and jump out of the nest and fly and flourish. Eliminating what hinders, what hurts, what has been mean and hateful for way to many years. Facing my fear. I imagine what I will look like on the other side of that fear. How strong I will become. I really wish I could have my superhero buddy with me but I must fight this demon on my own. One last time.

On the other side of fear, there is healing, there is hope. I believe it all starts with being able to let go of our fear and be stilled in the truth of who we really are, children of God.

Much Love 💜 Much Life