365 D 98

For some reason, the last few days have filled my heart, spirit and mind with so many uncertainties. It has been very intense and I have felt like a breakdown was coming my way. Like I was unsure if I could bare one more day of this. There was a calm, that came with the busyness that I allowed myself to do. Cleaning physically and emotionally. Getting back to the bare minimum of what is important to me, where do I want to be, what is it I want to accomplish? Calling on my friend, who is way more connected to the moon and stars than I, she said, “during this time, we will experience many uncertainties” I did not let her know, my struggles, but I was calmed by just the mere fact, I was not alone in this crazy uncertain “time”.

This uncertainty has gotten me to thinking about why I am doing what I do anyway, why I do not take better care of myself. my job is to encourage others to live the best they can to treat themselves well , to love themselves but I have trouble doing this. I struggle with doing the right things, with simple right things like, eating that brownie last night… not drinking 2 plus glasses of wine everyday.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to plan a vacation. I need to go far away and let someone else show me how to treat myself. How to eat, plan, do, love myself again.

I am an empty vessel, drained dry, cracked and imperfect. I am human who needs to be filled up by spirit, love and life.

Is not awareness the first step.