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I have no desire to write today.
No desire but to rest and stare into a screen and listen to stories in the form of movies.
To escape into someone else’s world that for reasons I believe are better than the world I belong to. A world of imagination, someone other than mine. To look for hope or inspiration that dreams can really and truly do someday… come true. A world filled with love and hugs and meaning, family and friends. A world worth staying for, staying in, with smiles as I walk into the room and waves from across the street. Today I did not run or move or cook or clean. I just sat and listened to the stories on the television. Last night I read a book of stories that made me laugh and cry and I wondered if I would ever have stories like that. Stories about friendships, about relationships, husbands and wives’ children. Stories about trips to fairs and parks and about strange people that have come and gone. Stories about a life well lived and I realize that I have not lived, I have only run. I run away from life and the scary things that happen in life because sometimes it can be too overwhelming but today, I sit with a long-haired orange cat. She is sitting in front of me now staring at me and I wonder what it is she is thinking as she turns her head to the side. She is an observer. She watches everything as if she needs a clear and precise understanding that can only be gathered by seeing. After a while she will come closer and smell her observation and last, she will try to touch it and bite it.
Of the two kittens that are here, she is the most laid back. The other kitten is not laid back at all. She is an adventure junkie! She stares deep into the sky and ceiling and talks to the fans, ladybugs and anything that does not belong in the house. She is a murderer of all creatures smaller than her and when she is upset with her sister, they wrestle. Hard like boys, or beasts which this is always a reminder that this is who they are, fighters, killers. I sometimes feel back for the little adventure junkie and would love to take her on walks outside of doors. I wonder if she would like to go on a canoe, if she would dive into the water after a fish that jumps up out of the water. I am sure they are not the first kittens that I have raised, there have been many animals’ companions in my life, and they have all been wonderful. Sometimes I feel more comfortable around animals because they are so accepting unlike human companions. It is easy to be yourself around animals and there is really no need to run.
Much Love Much Life
