Letting Go

365 D123

New Year, New Decade, New Day!

Truth: Everyone gets so pumped up at the beginning of the new year! Excited for change, the promise of new beginnings, the promise of happiness. I have to say this year, I am not all that hyped up. I have in the last year been challenged by family and friends, work and sickness. It has been a monster but I decided to make a list of what has happened in the hopes that I will find some excitement for 2020.

My list of I haves:

stood up for myself
started gaining respect for myself
began the grief process on purpose after 18 years of pushing my feelings down and play pretending I was ok
Learned that the grief had a lot to do with me being sick; chronic fatigue & rashes
Started painting again
Taking time to do things I like to do by myself
Let go of people that did not have my best interest at heart
Quit my job because I was miserable and it did not line up with my purpose
Made a new plan/got distracted, starting said new plan Monday
Been kicked out of my best friends home 6 times in the middle of the night
Cried multiple heart felt cry’s
Written everyday for 123 days and published it on here, even if it was crap… habits of writing
Thought I found the man of my dreams, Mr. Perfect
Broke up with Mr. Perfect because there is no such thing
Made multiple offers on houses… still homeless
Lost my beloved animal companion, Mr. Parker, who really was Mr. Perfect
Watched and cared for a dear friend losing her husband. She knows how to feel her feelings and taught me so much.
Developed some truly wonderful friendships that are just beautiful
Started trying to align my classes closer to each other, slow but it’s happening
Gotten way out of my comfort zone with teaching the circuit class
Most weeks I have taken at least one class

So when I list the big things like that it does not really seem like a year wasted. It feels like a year of letting go, growth and healing. Painful in most parts but very much worth it. I am so hopeful for the new year to come after looking at the last year. Here are some of the things I hope to accomplish in 2020