Gratitude, The Challenge....

Letting Go

365 D123

New Year, New Decade, New Day!

Truth: Everyone gets so pumped up at the beginning of the new year! Excited for change, the promise of new beginnings, the promise of happiness. I have to say this year, I am not all that hyped up. I have in the last year been challenged by family and friends, work and sickness. It has been a monster but I decided to make a list of what has happened in the hopes that I will find some excitement for 2020.

My list of I haves:

  • stood up for myself
  • started gaining respect for myself
  • began the grief process on purpose after 18 years of pushing my feelings down and play pretending I was ok
  • Learned that the grief had a lot to do with me being sick; chronic fatigue & rashes
  • Started painting again
  • Taking time to do things I like to do by myself
  • Let go of people that did not have my best interest at heart
  • Quit my job because I was miserable and it did not line up with my purpose
  • Made a new plan/got distracted, starting said new plan Monday
  • Been kicked out of my best friends home 6 times in the middle of the night
  • Cried multiple heart felt cry’s
  • Written everyday for 123 days and published it on here, even if it was crap… habits of writing
  • Thought I found the man of my dreams, Mr. Perfect
  • Broke up with Mr. Perfect because there is no such thing
  • Made multiple offers on houses… still homeless
  • Lost my beloved animal companion, Mr. Parker, who really was Mr. Perfect
  • Watched and cared for a dear friend losing her husband. She knows how to feel her feelings and taught me so much.
  • Developed some truly wonderful friendships that are just beautiful
  • Started trying to align my classes closer to each other, slow but it’s happening
  • Gotten way out of my comfort zone with teaching the circuit class
  • Most weeks I have taken at least one class

So when I list the big things like that it does not really seem like a year wasted. It feels like a year of letting go, growth and healing. Painful in most parts but very much worth it. I am so hopeful for the new year to come after looking at the last year. Here are some of the things I hope to accomplish in 2020

  • Buying a home
  • Getting my classes online
  • Writing a children’s book about Plough
  • closing gaps with family
  • Finding peace with this trauma and grief
  • Selling a few houses
  • Getting better at taking care of myself

Happy New Year!

Author: Joy

I am Joy I am content I am patient I am love I am free, fabulous and fit. I am all these things and so much more. I am struggle I am hopelessness I am sad I am endurance I am a warrior I am a princess I am my Father's daughter I am a survivor of loss of hurt of pain. I am encouragement I am influence I am Joy.

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