New Year, New Decade, New Day!
Truth: Everyone gets so pumped up at the beginning of the new year! Excited for change, the promise of new beginnings, the promise of happiness. I have to say this year, I am not all that hyped up. I have in the last year been challenged by family and friends, work and sickness. It has been a monster but I decided to make a list of what has happened in the hopes that I will find some excitement for 2020.
My list of I haves:
- stood up for myself
- started gaining respect for myself
- began the grief process on purpose after 18 years of pushing my feelings down and play pretending I was ok
- Learned that the grief had a lot to do with me being sick; chronic fatigue & rashes
- Started painting again
- Taking time to do things I like to do by myself
- Let go of people that did not have my best interest at heart
- Quit my job because I was miserable and it did not line up with my purpose
- Made a new plan/got distracted, starting said new plan Monday
- Been kicked out of my best friends home 6 times in the middle of the night
- Cried multiple heart felt cry’s
- Written everyday for 123 days and published it on here, even if it was crap… habits of writing
- Thought I found the man of my dreams, Mr. Perfect
- Broke up with Mr. Perfect because there is no such thing
- Made multiple offers on houses… still homeless
- Lost my beloved animal companion, Mr. Parker, who really was Mr. Perfect
- Watched and cared for a dear friend losing her husband. She knows how to feel her feelings and taught me so much.
- Developed some truly wonderful friendships that are just beautiful
- Started trying to align my classes closer to each other, slow but it’s happening
- Gotten way out of my comfort zone with teaching the circuit class
- Most weeks I have taken at least one class
So when I list the big things like that it does not really seem like a year wasted. It feels like a year of letting go, growth and healing. Painful in most parts but very much worth it. I am so hopeful for the new year to come after looking at the last year. Here are some of the things I hope to accomplish in 2020
- Buying a home
- Getting my classes online
- Writing a children’s book about Plough
- closing gaps with family
- Finding peace with this trauma and grief
- Selling a few houses
- Getting better at taking care of myself
Happy New Year!