365:272:81

I wish my mom were here. I’m burning up and my head is pounding, I feel like I am going to explode, like a old rattled can that has been thrown into a fire. Today has been very trying, no the last three days have been. It is so funny how when you feel tired from climbing the biggest mountain in sight and you get to the top of that mountain, someone is there to push you down. I did not come this far to get knocked back down, but in this moment I feel deflated and useless.

Tomorrow is another day and I am keeping my plan. I actually took the time to make the dang thing, I’m doing it. It might be sooner than I thought but I do not feel at this time, no one will mind or care.

First thing tomorrow, I will wake up and make this happen. The wheels are in motion and I’m rolling downhill, so fast, faster than I would like. The motion is making me sick and I feel weak, I want to take a bath so bad but the tub is messed up and I’m miserable. The thing is I am tired, of this whole thing. I am moving toward happiness, nothing will stop me and I pray that this is the right thing. It feels right, but fast and that’s okay. I’m going to knock out so many goals this year. Sit back in awe, and be lead by spirit.

My fever broke, the weariness of the weekend was coming out fast. The morning was filled with naps and sweet conversation. My afternoon will be more naps and laundry. Good times. I am downsizing once again. More things that are not needed. More things ruined. Letting go of clothes and books. This is the hard stuff. Both I cherish, both hold memories, feelings, love, big love. Hard to just toss but it must be done.

Inspiration has come my way, here right now on this very day. My thoughts are on the future, my heart is full of hope, I am tying a knot right here, to hang on to this rope.