Gratitude, The Challenge....

The End

365 D90

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free
But you’ll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end

This one has been in my head all day… only tonight did I actually take the time to read the lyrics… wow, I never put all that together, and I am surely uncertain of what Jim was actually talking about, I am not sure if I really want to know. Sounds oh so very sad. Whatever it was that he was speaking of was a little piece of the sadness I feel today. Torn, unsure and very confused. I have no fight left in me. At the same time, I want so much change in my life but I decided that I do not want to do it to gain the love of another. I want to change because it feels right at this time. I have lost the game, set and match. Question is, did I really? I believe there is truth behind every just kidding especially when the words “just kidding”are never said. I believe some people are just so damaged at times that they cannot do anything more than what they do. I have been trying to get out of this mess for so long, that I began believing that I never could, that I was just stuck. I am not stuck, I am just delayed, and I needed help to see that. I needed someone to hold my hand for a moment and kiss my fears away. My new and lost friend, has helped me so much and his job has been finished. I can let him go even if for a short moment I thought he was the one, I hoped he was but, I knew in the beginning, the timing was not right. He could have never been perfect enough no matter how hard he tried. I believe he did try hard initially but soon just like anyone would have, he gave up hope. Gave up the need and want to try and that is okay. He was not in the best of places either.

I bid him my gratitude this morning and that was it. I wish I had said more, I wish I could have told him how much he really helped me, but I did not. Do not think my heart did not hurt and does not hurt now because it does. Is it just the space that is left of is it the person that filled that space? This is what time will tell, in the end.

Author: Joy

I am Joy I am content I am patient I am love I am free, fabulous and fit. I am all these things and so much more. I am struggle I am hopelessness I am sad I am endurance I am a warrior I am a princess I am my Father's daughter I am a survivor of loss of hurt of pain. I am encouragement I am influence I am Joy.

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