Waking at 3 AM


Most mornings, I wake up at this time. It is a perfect combination of quiet and peacefulness that usually calms my soul.

Not today, today I am filled with anxiety, worry and fear. So many changes are happening, so fast and time is slipping by, I cannot keep up.

It has been a week since my super Furbaby passed. I did five classes yesterday, two very hard and all at 100%. Nervous energy, my mother would say. I went to look at apartments and I get home and my roommate asked if we needed a bigger place, I drank wine, had chocolate and received, what I thought was much needed closure from that boy. Plus I started “Mere Christianity” by C.S. Lewis which in its own way has made me question life all together.

None of this, is what I want… none of this was I really ready for and none of this is comfortable. I feel so far from where I want to be, like I just lost my grip and went sliding back down this huge mountain that I have been climbing for months. Dang it! In addition, I am starving, like there is food in the refrigerator but it all has to be prepared and it is now four am.

Author: Joy

I am Joy I am content I am patient I am love I am free, fabulous and fit. I am all these things and so much more. I am struggle I am hopelessness I am sad I am endurance I am a warrior I am a princess I am my Father's daughter I am a survivor of loss of hurt of pain. I am encouragement I am influence I am Joy.

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